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Teen Poetry #9
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Go! Fast!
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Go! Fast! |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Ok, all of the poems I write at this moment are not good poetry, but I was desperate to get some feelings out of me so that I don’t have to think of them anymore. Ready, set, now go! Laps, they spiral. Fast. Twisting. Fast, I know. Sweat, it drops. I’m passed. Speed, essential, run! Bar, avoid it. Fast. Puddle, spin it. Spun. Trip, I fall. I’m passed. Thirst, deny it, go! Turns away, no. Fast. Pivots. Fast, I know. Faints, too late. I’m last. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Michaela J. McHone - All Rights Reserved | |||
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Not your best but I really like this. This is Good, really. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Unusual. Entertaining. Paced to fit the theme. Punctuated to make the pace. Works well read out loud. Packed full of energetic verbs and one word images. Gets the adrenalin going just by reading it. Clever little twist at the end. You are starting to think outside the boringly predictable box of hearts, stars, souls, pain, tears, roses etc etc. Michaela this is up there with the best poems of this type I've read anywhere. I enjoyed it very much, well done indeed, and thanks for posting it. (Oops - cross posted with you Christine. Has she written better?!  ) |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Ha! Well, I'm glad you liked it Moonbeam. You would never guess in a million years what it was really written about though. Lol... |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
I think I have a vague idea of what this poem really means. Its a nice write. But poems like this, the ones short and burst out words, are just not my cup of tea. But its still good! -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Don't be ridiculous of course I know Michaela. It's the dream you had last night where you come last in the final of the 3000 meter steeplechase at the London Olympics in 2012 with your boyfriend in the crowd who was going to propose to you that evening over a glass of Merlot in the Savoy Grill, but who, when you fail so badly, slips the ring back into the box and catches the next plane out of Heathrow on his way back to the States to marry instead your best friend Tracy with the perfect teeth and henna tinted hair. Tell me I'm right |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
lol. uhhh... I don't think you got it quite right Moon. But your close. Think more metaphorically. -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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turtle Senior Member
since 2009-01-23
Posts 548Harbor |
Hi Cherry, I agree with Free and moon. I think this is very good no matter what it's really about. I swear, you kids could come down to CA and teach us all a few things....Including how to behave. ...Go!Fast!?? lol  |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
I agree with Zach, this isn't my cup of tea either, that's probably why I felt that she has written better. With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Yupps! Right on the dot Moonbeam.. Or it could be about something else..Lol! |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Turtle...You are so wrong. Lol... |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Being serious, and given that you are a teen with no doubt raging hormones (been there done that ), this might just possibly have something to do with unrequited love, or being passed up by a boy or boys over and over in favour of other girls. Anyway whatever. If it is meant to be something along those lines then you'd do well to remember Linda Pastan's quote:"Poetry is not a code to be broken but a way of seeing with the eyes shut" The idea is not to make your reader solve a puzzle! Well not most of the time anyway. A pointer might be a good idea, remember? like Drane did in The Year the Rice Crop failed. She used the first line to refer to her marriage and thereby point the way for the reader. For this poem you could use the Title to point the way, something like: "Reject", or "Left on the Shelf" or something M |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Lol... A hint is something I need to work into them from now on I think... |
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