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pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

0 posted 2009-02-23 05:43 PM

Honey, I love you.
    But, damn, you've got me so frustrated.
I wish I knew what to do
    What can I say to help you?
You said you want me
    But at the same time...you dont know what you want.
Does that mean you don't know me?

You tell me you love me.
    And with all I am I believe it's true.
And I know
    I have loved you.
    I do love you.
    I will always love you.
I will never break this promise
    And no matter how many mistakes are made.
They will all be forgotten
    And laid to rest in the midst of my heartbreaks.

I will be your guardian angel.
    Or simply your angel
Whatever you wish.

For I will never let you fall
Lest you permit me to come along
And together we will sprial down
Who knows how far, who cares how long
Having only eachother to hold on to.

[This message has been edited by pen&paper (02-25-2009 06:56 AM).]

turtle
Senior Member

since 2009-01-23

Posts 548
Harbor

1 posted 2009-03-05 02:56 AM

Hi pen,

It sounds like someone is a lucky guy

This is simple, clear and well written.

It is also very personal and touching.

.......maybe too personal for others to

feel they should intrude on your feelings.

......pen what would you think about trying something that isn't so personal?

turtle

kiwie15:D
Junior Member

since 2009-03-05

Posts 13
california

2 posted 2009-03-05 08:31 PM

hey pen
i am really kinda of new to this so i hope my advise works...i cant really agree with turtle about being too personal...i cant talk for a lot of people but i can talk for me...i love hearing about peoples feelings..i think that when you put feeling into a poem...thats what makes it your poem...my favorite stanza has to be
"i will be your guardian angle,
or simply your angle,
whatever youy wish"
i hope that make sense to you...keep writing

GothicCherry
Member

since 2008-09-16

Posts 471
TN

3 posted 2009-03-06 08:49 AM

I for on like the emotions and how personal this is. I am very nosy and enjoy prying into others business though. Very thoughtful poem.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

4 posted 2009-03-06 08:33 PM

Emotion is good if you use it right. In the beginning I felt like you were rambling a bit, and then towards the end it got a better. I think you should add some imagery instead of just telling the reader what you feel.

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

5 posted 2009-03-09 09:01 AM

It was supposed to be this personal...not an invasion of privacy so much as an invitation to confidence. That's the best way I can explain it, anyway.

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