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Teen Poetry #9
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My Spark
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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My Spark |
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gdcod2player Member
since 2008-07-26
Posts 117 |
I’m not everything you could ask for But I want to try to be most of it Is there nothing left for you here? I thought I could help you out Why did you leave me in this blood? Why did you leave me alone here? Can I keep you from crying out in pain? I want to win the game you want to play I want to paint you a picture Of everything that amounts to your heart Is there anything I can do? I wish you were listening to everything I want you to hear me I’m scared of the things you might find I don’t want to keep secrets I don’t want you to keep your distance I can’t keep living like this You took my spark The first time I laid eyes on your pretty face You laughed and said “bye” The last time I ever got to talk to you And it needs to be real again This broke me apart Now I can’t find a new fire The spark is gone God please let her find out who I am Let me have it back so I can talk to that pretty girl I wish life wasn’t so unfair Then I could find you and leave you a card or note |
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| © Copyright 2009 gdcod2player - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wanderingmonk New Member
since 2009-01-05
Posts 7 |
I found I could relate to your poem a lot. That yearning, that paralyzed feeling of helplessness. Its nice to know someone else can feel that way. I really enjoyed it. |
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Assassin_of_Verse Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330that So Cal |
It was a little wordy, but I liked ur overall emotion. The word "spark" caught my eye (maybe cuz it was in the title...), but I liked it for some reason. You might want to condense ur words, just a suggestion. :] There is power in the pen. |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
It's nice, but the over abundance of words throws people off I think. It did me. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
I'd have to agree with the rest on here. A little too wordy but not too bad.  -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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