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Teen Poetry #9
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i'm crying i'm dying i'm screaming inside
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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i'm crying i'm dying i'm screaming inside |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
I would like some feed back for this poem I’m crying I’m dying I’m screaming Inside Can someone Hear me Can someone See me Is there anyone I’m crying I’m dying I’m screaming Out loud But still no One hears Me no one Sees me Everyone ignores Me I’m crying I’m dying I’m screaming Loudly Enough to be Heard Yet no one Hears me No one sees Me no One can see How my Heart is in Distress I’m crying I’m dying I’m screaming Top of my Lungs out Even right now No one Hears me no One sees me Slowly, Slowly my Heart is Rupturing Me, slowly My soul is Cleaving me I’m crying I’m dying I’m screaming So that the Whole world Can hear me No one comes No one sees Me slowly Slowly I’m Withering Away wishing Someone can Save me Yearning For someone To hear Me hankering For someone To see how I’m feeling Inside I’m crying I’m dying I’m screaming Inside |
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| © Copyright 2011 madiha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
I am quite fond of your poetry. There is something about it that is so truthful and I love it. The only and only suggestion I have for you is to try different line breaks, it feels so choppy and broken, and granted maybe you are going for that but I think that you should atleast try different breaks. Just a suggestion, it is still great and I love it. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
what do you mean by the line breaks and thank you very much  |
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