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Teen Poetry #9

Broken Perception

UNTAMEDelegance
Member

since 2009-05-30

Posts 222
Oregon

0 posted 2010-07-21 01:29 AM

             I woke one morning the sun was bright.

The mist was cool, the evening dark.

                     Shining with a glorious light.

I loosed the trigger, missed my mark.

               I took a walk, ‘neath age-old trees.

I ran off, silent in the night.

                     The sky as blue as barmy seas.

The moon cast down revealing light.

           In, out. I breathe the sweet spring air.

In hot pursuit they chased me down.

           The breeze plays through my silken hair.

I disappear in shadow’s crown.

             I walk through woods that seem so old.

With hair of pitch, she comes my way.

              A girl runs toward with hair of gold.

Dark ebony and all asway.

        Though hair is gold, her clothes are black.

In opposite, she wears a white.

                A murderous glare, her eyes attack.

Warmth in her eyes a foolish blight.

                          A mirror image of my own.

I see reflected back my face.

              This girl is frightening, I run home.

I slink away, restart the chase.

Misa: I can't imagine a world without Light!
L: Yes, that would be dark.

unfinishedlife
Junior Member

since 2010-03-06

Posts 22

1 posted 2010-07-22 04:06 PM

You definately have talent.
All I can say for improvement is to spend more time on revision. Take notice as to whether the way you write your lines adds to the poem or causes the reader to have to leave the mood of the poem to figure out why you wrote in the style you chose.

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