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Teen Poetry #9

Luminosity

UNTAMEDelegance
Member

since 2009-05-30

Posts 222
Oregon

0 posted 2010-05-26 09:20 PM

More light than I have ever seen.
A wave; a wall.
Sweeping my senses;
overwhelming.
Taking me over.
Pure white.
Ambrosia
to my eyes
as the light
consumes.
Color begins to seep into
my world.
Oozing like paint-drips;
slowly,
       slowly,
              tantalizing,
                          stilting,
d
o
w
n.

Never have I seen
such beauty.
Pure light;
liquid euphoria;
good incarnate.

Never have I seen
such grace.
Dancing;
lilting through shadows;
skimming 'cross air;
flitting through
my mind.

Ever have I been
drawn;
lured by the
silken, effulgent
promises
of light.

Ever have I been
captivated;
seduced;
enthralled by
the warmth
and comfort
embracing
me.

Luminosity.

Nothing is more painful than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. (Unknown)

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2010-05-27 11:29 AM

Hi, I really like this piece. I can see being embraced, and overwhelmed by the picture you’ve created. I kind of think that you could make it better without using the word “light” so much. I’m not sure how’d you even get around using it, but I think in describing, you referred back to light to much. It’s a great descriptor word (I mean heck, we all know light), but is there a way to get past using it as a hinge piece? I don’t know. Maybe sitting out in the sun with your eyes closed and just using what pops into your mind at the moment.

Anyway, good job. I enjoyed reading your piece.

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