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Teen Poetry #9
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| Teen Poetry #9 |
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For You |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland 
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I wrote this the other day for my friend Ju Young. It's not very good, but i was just excited that I could actually still write something in relation to a poem. =========================== When the night comes, if the moon doesn't glow, I'll be here, I wont let go. When the sun shines, if your tears start to rain, I'll be here, taking in your pain. Fear not of being lonely 'cause you'll only ever be, the one that I look after, the second half of me. When the hurt doesn't stop, if your world is crashing down, I'll be here, I'll stand my ground. I wont go, I'll take in your pain. Watching over you, I'll stand in the rain. {~~*~~} EmilyTheStrange |
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| © Copyright 2010 Emmalee Yuri - All Rights Reserved | |||
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toriber Junior Member
since 2010-06-10
Posts 22texas |
i love this its very relatable. keep writing its very good!! id rather be extordinary together rather than ordinary a part |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
Thank you, I will.  EmilyTheStrange |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
very very lovely! great write! |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
thank you{~~*~~} EmilyTheStrange |
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AlexandriaDixon New Member
since 2010-06-22
Posts 6 |
This was such a beautiful poem. It flowed very well, and that's hard to do with a rhyme. But you did it nicely. |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
Thanks, I'm glad you like it. {~~*~~} EmilyTheStrange |
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mozart4321 Junior Member
since 2010-06-29
Posts 29 |
i can really relate to this, giving anything for someone you care about. i believe this would make great song lyrics. |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
I am fond of the work that you and Flavius have been doing recently. The notion about song lyrics, which I know little about, seems like a sound one, though, though you'll probably need to know more about the forms song lyrics take. They seem very specific. There's a lot of good feeling you're able to get at here, which shows a lot fine progress with you and your personal journey. A woman and her unicorn looking for illumination and people to really care about in navigating her journey through life. A journey that looks for illumination and depth and avoids gumballs. That unicorn really knows what's what. My very best. Is there someone who knows how to organize song lyrics around? |
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Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
This was very nice. If you would like some advice about rhyming there are rhyming dictionies that are available at book stores or over the net. I bought one at a second hand book store. There is also a rhyming dictionary available over the net and it is free. I haven`t used it for a while so I am not certain whether it is still up. |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
Yes, I am aware of the online rhyming dictionaries, but i try to avoid using them. I find that the phrase can often seem forced when using a rhyming dictionary, which is something I like to avoid. I have used one before though. Bob K, As always your replies make me smile. It brightens my day how you use my insanity as a way of relating things  (Flavius) . I really appreciate all the suggestions you give me and I'm grateful to you. Thank you. {~~*~~} EmilyTheStrange {~~*~~} I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs.. |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
As a fun experiment, why not try selecting the rhyme words in advance? You have the freedom to make them offbeat and wonderful, and then you can let your imagination work of the more imaginative ways of connecting them, instead of struggling to come up with a rhyme to fit in with the logic of the development of your ideas. Let the sound move your ideas around on the first couple of drafts, and then revise for sense later on to see what you come up with. If you can, try to drop in the names of some actual concrete things that you don't usually find in poetry, your basic kazoo bands and switchblades and vacuum cleaners for example to keep the poems from getting too abstract and flying off into outer space with abstraction. If you know somebody with an unusual name or nickname, you can always drop that in, but even dropping in somebody's real name can give a poem a whole different feel. I once kbnew a poet named "Antler," for example. And James Wright tossed in the mention of a friend in the middle of a poem; "Wayne" was the guy's name, and it was in the middle of a poem about the poetry of Jonathan Swift. It worked out pretty well. These are experiments, and there for fun, not for anything else. If you enjoy them, you can toss them into your quiver and pull them out from time to time when you want to get out of a rut in the middle of a poem, or when you want a way to start or end one. Enjoy, I hope. |
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