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Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

0 posted 2010-03-16 04:55 PM

So I haven't posted anything in a really long time, and this isn't really what I'm going through right now in life, it just came to me from some feelings that I had during my english class today.
So I hope you like it.

This oxygen that surrounds me
fills my needy lungs
and makes me live again.
It helps me suvive.

While I take in this glorious oxygen,
I'm reminded of the way you
used to fill me with hope.
You helped me survive.

My heart beats a steady rythm,
pumping blood throughout my body.
It beats to keep me alive,
it helps me survive.

While my heart beat for you,
you took the razor from my hand
and consumed me with love.
You helped me survive.

When my lungs stopped breathing,
and my heart stopped beating...
you gave me everything
to help me survive.

As the moon rose for night,
we laid you to rest.
You gave me your everything,
yet I'm left with nothing.

julianna

everyone's normal [until you get to know them]

[This message has been edited by Just.Another.Falling.Star (03-16-2010 05:33 PM).]

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member

since 2009-03-11

Posts 1257
Louisiana

1 posted 2010-03-17 09:05 AM

Hey I really felt myself getting absorbed with the emotions within this poem, whether what you're going thru now or not.
I like your style of writing.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

2 posted 2010-03-17 05:23 PM

thank you.
i honestly don't know where this came from though, i have felt the other stanza's, but never the last one. it just came to me, like i mentioned.

julianna

"Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right, but because it all fell apart." - Rob Bell

StarlitMind
Junior Member

since 2010-03-17

Posts 12
New England

3 posted 2010-03-17 05:28 PM

The whole poem is really powerful, and I liked all the body-air-blood imagery, it brought it alive, but the best part was definitely the last line, where you broke that repetition and really struck home. You gave the reader everything, and left them with nothing" if I may borrow your own wording. It was fantastic.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

4 posted 2010-03-17 05:32 PM

thanks so much

i tried to make it somewhat different so that it wouldn't be predictable in the end.

julianna

"Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right, but because it all fell apart." - Rob Bell

Kim
Junior Member

since 2010-03-20

Posts 10
U.K.

5 posted 2010-03-20 05:01 PM

A sad but brilliant poem! A lot of people can relate to what your writing about.

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