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Teen Poetry #9
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Years of the soul
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Years of the soul |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
Learning to swim in the frigid ocean water breaking above my head opening my stinging eyes to the texture of salty water, swirling around my face a looking glass to another world one of vivid contrasts between dead lava and living hues of colour painted onto coral blue water explodes into droplets- of broken waves ashes of breaking waves- memories of enormous storms droplets are like the shells dotting the coastline fragments of the whole they were once a part of fiery reds and lemon yellows create a glowing sea -ethereal colours mixed into a melting pot of wilderness- -wild beauty given breath and heartbeats by ancient forces- staring into the depths feeling the rhythm of drifting currents. Lying on the surface of an atmosphere that embodies the force of time. I have a lurid view of a world,my weak eyes a won't come to truly see until my soul has gained many years. My fragile body will have disapated into the earth before my soul returns to this place able to comprehend its unveiled beauty -freedom- wild power- ancient past- |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Enjoyed... |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Hi Rhia, Your poetry has I think grown since we last spoke and this poem has a lot to like and build on. But it's still suffering from a few common problems. Have a careful read of this if you want: http://www.essortment.com/all/criticismsonpo_rjmv.htm and if you have the time and inclination you could then have a go a telling me what is perhaps not so great about this poem. Not if you don't want to of course  M |
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