I Bit The Bullet But The Bullet Bit Me Back

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Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

0 posted 2010-02-06 03:01 PM

4th time lucky! It keeps getting taken off due to a naughty word. Woops.

Just an angry, silly piece. :/ I needed to get it out my system. It's a potenial song, so is in lyric format. Rythm and metre pretty off in places, but again, it's a potential song.
_____

I Bit The Bullet But The Bullet Bit Me Back

Don’t come to me with your molten smiled eyes
That put me on a stupid twisted kind of high
I just want to run from me and maybe even you
Cos if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t pick me too

Am I just a playing piece upon your playing board?
Cos if I am then I think you have misconstrued the scores
I’m at the wrong end of the magnet and the wrong end of the stick
And the obvious flies at my face and hits me like a brick

I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back
And how come I’m the one who’s taking all the slack?
I look in the mirror and think I deserve the slap
But hey, maybe it’s about time I learned to fight back
Cos I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back

I’ll put on a lonely song and sing a lonely tune
And drown in my self pity and my futile swoons
I’ll paint your face upon a dart and throw it out my head
But it’ll fly straight back in and hit me instead

I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back
And how come I’m the one who’s taking all the slack?
I look in the mirror and think I deserve the slap
But hey, maybe it’s about time I learned to fight back
Cos I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back

I’ll paint a pretty picture and smear it on my mind
And rip it down and chew it up and spit at what I find
It’s just a silly world spinning on a silly kind of tilt
And I just want to throw it away and make you feel some guilt

I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back
And how come I’m the one who’s taking all the slack?
I look in the mirror and think I deserve the slap
But hey, maybe it’s about time I learned to fight back
Cos I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back

Don’t come to me with your molten smiled eyes
That put me on a stupid twisted kind of high
I just want to run from me and maybe even you
Cos if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t pick me too
Yeah. I wouldn’t pick me too.

unfinishedlife
Junior Member

since 2010-03-06

Posts 22

1 posted 2010-03-06 10:06 PM

Definately off in some areas, but I am no critic for things of that sort. All of my writings are off as well, lyrics or traditional I can never seem to get anything perfect...
This would make a nice song I think.
The refrain was repeated quite often though... It kind of got old.
It may help to switch the words in it around somehow or add in a new idea during it... but very nice.

Innocence cannot be afforded

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

2 posted 2010-03-13 04:51 PM

Yeah i agree, it could do with some tweaking. I'm hoping if i do make it into a song i can twist it a little to make it work. As poem, however, it is wrong in places.
Hmm. i'll def. have a play around with that part then. Thanks very much for the crit!

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