Are we really there? - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #5

Are we really there?

madelyn
Member

since 2009-09-03

Posts 172
Purgatory

0 posted 2012-01-26 11:31 PM

I am the figure who skulks just out of sight,
As you hurry home on a moon lit night,

She is the figure who lurks in the lamp light,
As your shout down your phone in the throes of a fight

He is the figure in the blur of your photo,
Coming into view in the lights of the bistro,

That is the figure that’s just around the corner,
As you hurry down the block needing to get warmer,

They are the figures that are outside your door,
As you look through the peep-hole looking for more,

This is the figure that lives in your mirror,
When your enter the room so as to come nearer

We are the things of your nightmares and dreams,
Able to split you apart at the seams.

LaGraceLa
Member

since 2011-01-30

Posts 243
Minnesota, USA

1 posted 2012-02-08 09:31 PM

I really like this poem, it started with a wonderful beat, rhythm, pulse-- whatever you want to call it-- but that last line is off and doesn't mimic the rest. I don't know if you wanted that for dramatic effect or not, but it just doesn't really fit. Even just adding a few small words makes it flow like the rest, like...

That are able to split you apart at your seams

I really enjoyed this poem with beat, rythem, pulse of the last line put aside

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.