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Dark Poetry #5
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End of Us
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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End of Us |
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Angels Fall Junior Member
since 2011-10-31
Posts 11United States |
It's killing you, it's killing me There's nothing we can do, I wanna be free... Your lips are pursed, you hold on tight Wondering when you won't feel your heartbeat. I'm watching you, and your watching me Not a word do we speak. And I can't stop you, you won't let me. You're pulling on my opposite string. There's nothing to look forward to. I can't save you anymore. All we've been through just thrown away. You don't need me to stay... And there it is.. my release from you. Then why do i find it so hard to walk out that front door? |
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| © Copyright 2011 Lailani - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
Wonderful ending, that question is haunting and adds so much to your poem. |
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Stitches Member
since 2009-11-27
Posts 159United Kingdom |
I really liked it, nice to read aloud. Felt quite lyrical. If I were you I'd redraft it and cut some of the lines down to keep the rhythm (but of course, I say that because you asked for some crit). Nicely done. Blogger: http://gabithefail.blogspot.co.uk/ |
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