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Dark Poetry #5
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Angels Fall
Junior Member
since 2011-10-31
Posts 11
United States

0 posted 2011-12-09 08:52 AM


It's killing you, it's killing me
There's nothing we can do, I wanna be free...
Your lips are pursed, you hold on tight
Wondering when you won't feel your heartbeat.
I'm watching you, and your watching me
Not a word do we speak.
And I can't stop you, you won't let me.
You're pulling on my opposite string.

There's nothing to look forward to.
I can't save you anymore.
All we've been through just thrown away.
You don't need me to stay...
And there it is.. my release from you.
Then why do i find it so hard to walk out that front door?

© Copyright 2011 Lailani - All Rights Reserved
LaGraceLa
Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243
Minnesota, USA
1 posted 2011-12-27 09:53 AM


Wonderful ending, that question is haunting and adds so much to your poem.
Stitches
Member
since 2009-11-27
Posts 159
United Kingdom
2 posted 2013-01-18 10:59 PM


I really liked it, nice to read aloud.
Felt quite lyrical.
If I were you I'd redraft it and cut some of the lines down to keep the rhythm (but of course, I say that because you asked for some crit).

Nicely done.

Blogger: http://gabithefail.blogspot.co.uk/

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