And I wonder (on a more personal note)

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Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

0 posted 2011-07-08 07:08 PM

Feeling the skin was never
An interest of mine.
I grow too confused with
The contours and lines.
And I wonder how I'm supposed
To feel when it's not right.
I'm finding the darkness
Hidden in the light.

And I'll tell you three times
That it's not too late
To change your mind.
To skip into the twilight,
And leave all of this behind.
And I wonder how I'm supposed
To feel when it's not right.
I'm finding the darkness
Hidden in light.

Whatever I do I
Feel like I'm not there.
And it's never without ever
Wanting to care.
And I wonder how I'm supposed
To feel when it's not right
And I know I couldn't ever ask
You to wait and sit tight.

And can please this be clear
For I spend my time in wait,
To see things clearly
But I forever hesitate.
And I wonder how I'm supposed
To feel, my head's not right
But you are the most lovely
And confusing sight.

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

1 posted 2011-07-09 11:48 AM

Smashing write, Stitches! Loved the content, the easy attitude, the flow of words and the subtle passion. Continuity, crux and conclusion, all intelligently ordered. And normally, as a reader I get irked by the overly abused use of the "I" word which too often appears in poetry by everyday people, but in this instance it is a natural feature, and perhaps, quite necessary to write from that "first person" perspective, so it works here.

Now, I believe it was you to whom I spoke something about "bursting out" from the tame and the conservatively reserved. If I am not wrong, then I think I sense the beginning of it here. Let loose, Sir Lion. History remembers best the laughter of they who growled and bellowed their way into glory.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·
Friend me on Facebook Poetry con Garapan (Garapan Poetry) www.facebook.com/HUAMAILO

Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

2 posted 2011-07-09 12:18 PM

Thank-you! I'm glad you read this because I wrote it thinking of your previous advice (as well as other inspiration).

My next write will be attempt to burst out in a more unique way I think. I'll keep trying.

Thanks!

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

Haf_Alive
Member

since 2011-09-04

Posts 56
High in the Sky

3 posted 2011-09-04 08:52 PM

this is incredible. so well written and i love the abstract you portray with the darkness and light. thanks

HAF

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