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Dark Poetry #5
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Their End
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Their End |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA 
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I am left to my own vices, What fool this world takes me for? In the absence of their constant watch, Their perfect plan for me will debauch, My birth was destined to be just like the rest, But somehow the world was unblessed, Through time and time again they heard me protest, But in the end six feet under I lay rest, Sound asleep, so it seems, but the rebirth is only half complete, This earth will be possessed with disgust, Much of them will remain perturbed, They come to slay me once more, But in the end, they are the ones who lay down evermore. I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality. |
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| © Copyright 2011 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LaGraceLa Member
since 2011-01-30
Posts 243Minnesota, USA |
You have a very interesting beat to your words, it adds a different and memorable twist. However, some of the lines seemed forced to me, try to make the words more natural. All in all good job! |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
LaGraceLa has said anything I might say. But the poem has all of the potential to be great and not just good. You'd probably be an ace at Slam Poetry after a little rounding off of your skill. I like this style. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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