if you knew the hell i have gone through, would you still laugh? i wonder at a smile, i marvel at a laugh, & joy makes me confused. if you knew the hell i have gone through, would you understand? would you know why i cry & what my scars mean? do you think you could understand why i do not sleep? would you be able to comprehend what my dreams mean? my hell, you would never be able to understand it, because you do not want to. you do not want to know because then you would be unhappy. you would wonder at my composure, marvel at my strength. what would you do if i did tell you? would you ignore me? would you tell yourself that i was lying? or would you care? would you underhand & help? but i guess we will never know, because i will die before i will even hint at the pain, the torture, the misery that haunts me. we will never know because i will die before you even consider that i might have gone to hell.