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Dark Poetry #5

future

LaGraceLa
Member

since 2011-01-30

Posts 243
Minnesota, USA

0 posted 2011-02-03 05:51 PM

Since all love has gone away
   hate and fear will come to stay
       to take all light from the day
          to make us cry, to make us pay.
  Since all hope has left us here
      it dies and quickly turns to fear
          to make us realize death is near
              & to show us there is no cure.

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

1 posted 2011-02-03 11:40 PM

How very morbid. I like. Kinda says it like it is.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· "Look! Crumbs on his jacketses... Heeee took it!"

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

2 posted 2011-02-05 01:46 AM

The rhyming is nice and tight. The poem is definitely morbid. As far as critiques go I think I'd be more inclined to question the poem's message more than its layout.

Sometimes when you accept a loss of hope or love you can actually find greater hope in yourself. This is especially true of those thunks we all have, when we feel like there's no meaning in life. That sense tends, if you let it, to give rise to a sense of freedom. If no one is giving us a meaning in life and if it will end in a meaningless death then why not enjoy for its own sake the pleasure of creating or of loving others etc?

Just a thought.

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