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wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

0 posted 2010-04-16 01:36 AM

Carefully, quietly i will follow
Silently wallowing in my sorrow

You walk the halls
To not even bother with shadows on the walls

I memorize every step you take
I watch every move that you make

I always notice what you wear
Oh and yes I mean to stare

You have a stalker
She's quite the quiet walker

I keep a distance
I can hide in an instant

I watch you quietly that's a given
I won't stop 'til I'm forgiven

Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

1 posted 2010-04-21 03:23 PM

This is rather clever and interesting to interpret.

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

Laverne Pacquire
Member

since 2009-11-15

Posts 96

2 posted 2010-04-21 06:48 PM

a girl stalker, is not good. lolita.
not nice. the story is horrifying. the poem is okay. the darkness, and suspense is a bit lacking.

the question mark on the title is a bit corny to me i would delete it..

take care

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

3 posted 2010-04-21 07:02 PM

I greatly appreciate te critique but I disagree with the question mark I feel it has meaning for the title. I got the insperation because some one I used to be close to is quite upset with me and I am waiting to be forgiven. Other than that thanks so much for the comment and critique ^-^

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

4 posted 2010-04-23 09:05 AM

I don't think as this to be too dark. I say its just a crush that's ashamed to show her face to the guy. (I assumed) Nice interpretation.

-Zach

okay... so I love strangers with candy :)

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

5 posted 2010-04-23 11:00 AM

You're close Zack but it's actually about a couple after they break up an the girl still wants to be friends but the guy hates her so she just silently waits to be forgiven while watching him at school and true it may not be very dark but idk the way I wrote it I felt it could still be posted here

MorningStar
Member

since 2009-10-26

Posts 290
Pittsburgh, Pa

6 posted 2010-04-23 12:39 PM

Loved it. I didn't think that it was dark once I reached the end. Intriguing and well written - definitely!

If I don't say it...who will?

wolfy09
Member

since 2008-06-10

Posts 93

7 posted 2010-04-23 06:56 PM

Thanks

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