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Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

0 posted 2009-11-30 02:26 PM

I saw you lay,
Supine as a crushed lily -
Petals stripped and limbs
Spread across the bed.

Though we begged,
With vain hoses, you to germinate,
Again too late is the season
In which to bloom.
This cruel weed has suffocated,
Dimming our morning star
Whose pesticide has
killed to cure.

Wilted you unnerved me.
Vain hope and youthful
Foolishness driving me
from your side.

If I could go back…

But no.

Bright daffodils they left
Did not dim our pain.
Beauty a cruel reminder
of our loss.

Their yellow glare jeers
As numb I watch you-
Dumped into the dark
to compost.
But no amount
Of regrowth will replace
The flower we
Have lost.

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2010-02-06 09:22 PM

Wow, I love like this! I'm flabbergasted nobody has left you any replies. This is most definitely going in my library.

Fantastic write, really.

{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

2 posted 2010-02-09 01:28 PM

Thank-you

It's nice to finally get some feedback.

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

3 posted 2010-02-09 04:03 PM

Fine use of metaphor with some excellent lines, for example:

“Bright daffodils they left
Did not dim our pain.
Beauty a cruel reminder
of our loss.”

And this one, “Wilted you unnerved me.” With just four simple words, you made me stop and think about how loss, in any form, to any degree, truly does diminish us until, hopefully, we are enlightened by the experience and grow in compassion.

Also read the rest of you poems posted on PiP. Very impressive. Keep at it!

Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

4 posted 2010-02-22 08:45 AM

Thank-you

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

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