navwin » Main Forums » Dark Poetry #5 » turn on tune in drop out
Dark Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic turn on tune in drop out Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
dickpoetry
Member
since 2009-09-30
Posts 89


0 posted 2009-10-03 12:03 PM



TURN ON, A POEM FOR DOREEN

ha, you're funny. and very endearing.
okay, i know i can write.
so there was some conceit in my opening remark.
how perceptive you are!
and honesty is all i've ever believed poetry to be.
honest expression.
ah, there's the rub.
how the hell do we be honest?
first with ourselves.
then, possibly, with others.
no small trick.
as for the cd, it was literally being discarded by a local
hair salon. and it came into my hands.
it's fantastic.
so, to prove the incredible inclusiveness of poetry, even
the information about this cd is now here, immortalized,
in my poem:
Born of the NIght, performed by a trio called Midnight Syndicate.
comes out on Linfaldia Records.
try that, doreen, it should work.
listen and fall into the gothic spell.
very sexual, really. no words, yet the music is sexual.
darkly erotic.
i find it to be a turn on, actually.
so, then, this shall be the title of this poem.

dickpoetry
10/2/9
near midnight

© Copyright 2009 dickpoetry - All Rights Reserved
Kitherion
Member
since 2006-08-01
Posts 181
Johannesburg
1 posted 2009-10-07 05:27 AM


Ok
Let me begin at the beginning,
I liked the ideal expressed -your cynacism is endearing- and the way in which you did so.
But -cue musical interlude- I found that sometimes your language could be improved... perhaps you don't want it to be, and that could be the very essence of your writing... I just feel that you should explore the language a little more. And also, I know I'm guilty of this alot so you don't have to take it seriously but, perhaps consider some sort of structure to your lines?

Other than that, I really enjoyed it.

"Our Father who art in Heaven... Hallowed be thy name..."

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Dark Poetry #5 » turn on tune in drop out

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary