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Dark Poetry #5
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Paper Thin
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Paper Thin |
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SlowlyFallAway Member
since 2008-08-29
Posts 279North Carolina |
You fight about paper thin matters Another wasted night screaming into a jar of coins How much money will it take to destroy your life? Can't you see your children crying? You lead them to believe its all about the money And they'll grow up to your arguments about paper thin matters That get you no where in the end You were always more of a business than a parent January 3rd 2009 Emily Shives |
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| © Copyright 2009 Emily Shives - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
The line breaks in this piece are placed rather oddly. For example:
Starting a line with "That..." makes it a little jarring. I'm sure there's some technical smart person reason why it's bad but to me it feels odd. However, I liked the message of this poem. I especially liked your final line: "You were always more of a business than a parent" Life's short. Think hard! |
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