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Dark Poetry #5
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| Dark Poetry #5 |
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faeriemythc Junior Member
since 2009-06-18
Posts 40KY |
Seranade of darkness Sweet music of the night Luring me to your restlessness Fleeing into the electric fog Never to be seen by human eyes Flashes of red, glimpses of forever Shadows uncast, reflections long forgotten Longing to feel the touch of another Sentenced to wander an eternity alone Can life be rekindled in a desolate soul? The sun ascends as you retreat Only to reappear as it hides it's face in night You enter and kiss away my last breath The moon casting shadows on dead eyes A coldness enters me as I inhale the scent of your lust My soul is emptied as you take possession I am finally alive aka Carmen |
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| © Copyright 2009 Carmen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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faeriemythc Junior Member
since 2009-06-18
Posts 40KY |
Tried to remove this since there was no interest. It wouldn't let me, I guess there is a time limit? |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Well I, for one, am glad to have stopped in. It started out rather odinary, then redeemed itself completely at the conclusion, giving me a "wow" moment. Bravo! ·´~`·»Brett«·´~`· |
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Def-init Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186Toronto, Canada |
Well I am glad you were not able to delete. I would have missed the post if you had. "Flashes of red, glimpses of forever Shadows uncast, reflections long forgotten Longing to feel the touch of another Sentenced to wander an eternity alone" That was pretty heart felt. It is a good step in the right direction. I would suggest two things for yeah. #1 increase the metaphor you use in your stanza's #2 and watch for filler (Words that you don't have to use) - If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell - |
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