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Abysmal Chorus - Double poem
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Abysmal Chorus - Double poem |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL 
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"Abysmal Chorus” "Fade" The sulnight fades As the past burns black On the edge of a distant sea My dark heart will do Darkness pools beyond And deep within my shattered mind In to the abysmal chorus Hope fades to dust It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Colin Heffernan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Good job, Lone Wolf. This is a style of writing I like using a lot myself. You've pulled it off well. The horizontal-vertical reading of the lines works well in most places. Thanks for sharing. Life's short. Think hard! |
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Moth Junior Member
since 2008-06-12
Posts 12 |
I liked the approach you have taken. I can see the connection between the two poems and how ‘Fade’ is born of ‘Abysmal Chorus’. The two free verse formats leave the reader to make the connection using imagery, and for the most part that works. There is a nice contrast with the extrospection of the first poem and introspection of the second. My only gripe is cliché, there is a lot of it in this poem. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you are deconstructing or employing irony (or any form of trope), but that is not the case here. As a result the poems lack a little punch when it comes to the abstracts, but that will sort itself out the more you write, which I would encourage you to do. |
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