An invitation to darkness - pipTalk Forums

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darkheaven
New Member

since 2009-03-13

Posts 1

0 posted 2009-03-13 07:10 PM

I would like some feedback for this poem i wrote. thanks all
an invitation to darkness

an invitation to darkness where i reside

an envelope of intense pain

waters deep with a dark tide

its enough to drive one insane

this feeling of pain is intense

these thoughts i have are melancholy

its almost as if nothing makes sense

a world where nothing is holy

in this darkness is my keep

the fort built around my soul

inside here the shadows creep

pain intensifying seven fold

is there hope where i reside

or is it just infinite doom

does it matter how hard i tried

or am i meant for forever gloom

this thing piercing the shadows this ray of light

burning through my keep

the beautiful whiteness is in sight

but will the penetration go deep

is this the right path to choose

or should i stay still

in the light there's no telling what i can lose

or maybe my dreams fulfill

my love Christina has my soul

its hers to toy with as she please

but what is her primary goal

is it to love or toy and tease

in my heart the answer is given

a light shining so true

its enough to keep me driven

Christina.. i love you

Ethernaut
Junior Member

since 2009-04-07

Posts 31
NT, Australia

1 posted 2009-04-07 10:56 AM

There are definitely themes within this which I identify with.
Usually, however, I am wary of rhyming poetry, particularly to read. I find that trying to get a certain mood or feeling to fit a rigid constraint, diminishes the depth or impact of the whole text.

Beauty can be found in all places, even within the darkness of the soul.

rad802
Member

since 2008-04-19

Posts 279
KY U.S.A.

2 posted 2009-04-12 09:44 AM

I like this.
Good work.
Please visit my wifes forum.
It would mean a lot to her.
Thanks http://bride.hyperboards.com/index.php

Rick Delmonico

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

3 posted 2009-04-16 02:10 PM

Welcome to PiP Darkheaven! Excellent first post, look forward to reading more of your work.

"waters deep with a dark tide"
"a world where nothing is holy"

Those two images from your poem sent chills down my spine, exactly what images in a dark poem should do!

Suncleaver
Member

since 2009-01-18

Posts 481
Stafford England

4 posted 2009-04-16 07:58 PM

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem.

And I know intimately how love can burn the shadows and shatter the walls of a dark heart.

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