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Monster
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Monster |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
My aunt lost to depression and comitted suicide. i couldnt understand why she would ever but now im so familar to the feelings she continuosly fought with. I tried to see through her perspective. i thought about what her last moments must have been like. i would like to write more about it but this is all i have so far. ( i just said "i" about 47 times) i also posted this in teen but it also is dark poetry so im not sure if i shouldreally be posting it agian. As the blade cuts soothing sensations start flowing through my body killing this hate killing this pain killing this numbenss replaying the memories opening the wounds bleeding the cured A little deeper the pain pulses the sensation grows suficing the monster inside quieting her cries have any advice about revision id liked to hear them. *need help with structure* [This message has been edited by nina1522 (03-03-2009 08:19 PM).] |
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Def-init Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186Toronto, Canada |
"replaying the memories opening the wounds bleeding the cured" Very nice wordplay here. I like the way you pieced this poem together. I cant believe I missed this poem. I myself still suffer from depression as anyone that has read my work can tell. So I understand more then you know where this piece is coming from. Nice work. Also a poem comes from you. It comes from inside. Although people can post weather they like your poem or they don't. The structure and style that you choose to write with is your own. Like a finger print. So dont worry about what others think your structure should be. Because that is there "finger print" in the poem world. Not yours. Be proud of your work and keep them coming. -Def- - If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell - |
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nina1522 Member
since 2009-02-14
Posts 189 |
thank you very much. i hope you feel better, but i know how little those words help. i really like how you thought my style was my own finger print. thats how im going to think of it for now on. thank you very mch. |
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