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Open Poetry #43
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Floating Soul--My first poem I've posted!!!
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Floating Soul--My first poem I've posted!!! |
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hiddenIntheDark Junior Member
since 2008-08-27
Posts 20 |
Please be nice, but honest, I have been writing for years but only for fun and I don't know how to write that well, so I apologize if my poem is horrible. No one has ever read my poems except for a few friends who didn't know if they were good or not. Floating Soul Just a floating soul Lonely and cold Running aimlessly for miles Empty inside while facing trials Faces around me in this darkened place Are painted with sorrow, loneliness, and pain Missing the sunshine that I used to know so well It’s now a flood of pouring rain At the same time an awful drought Hope and happiness I’m now without I sit here with my mind and thoughts The ground is dry and rough Like sandpaper, only worse Black tears fall from hazel eyes Each teardrop disappears from sight But all hold a memory within them Forever locked inside my mind I’m trying desperately to turn around And get out of this horrible place Trying to scream, but I can’t make a sound The storm goes mad, and crazy with rage And throws me to the ground Like glass I’m always falling And this fragile heart breaks Always paying for every regret Every mistake This forceful wind blowing thoughts into my head Roses are now dried up, ugly, and dead Wishing on nothing, for something to bloom I’m going insane, this needs to end soon Wake me up from this nightmare I know you couldn’t even if you dared Is this true? Is this real? One single star seems so bright In the blackness of this never ending night Afraid of loosing it, I hold on with such a tight grip That will crush it Making it blend into the dark Once in a while it might spark I’m waiting for you, waiting for the day To finally come and make a way To relight the star of my dreams As impossible and far away that day may seem Constant noise and tortured cries, burning in my ear Or the depressing silence, the feeling of fear Nothing around me as far as I can see Or everything right there stabbing me Both hurt equally, my heart still bleeds I can sit here and cry, or run and hide But it follows right behind me As quickly as it grows But I’m just a floating soul |
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| © Copyright 2008 Briana B - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Briana, it's a pleasure to welcome you to Pip! I read your first entry with interest and I think you have done a very good job, even if it is quite long. You succeeded in conveying the pain and the poetic tune was perceived. I hope you will be able to get out of this black tunnel, so that your soul may soar in joy. Trust your inspiration always! Love, Margherita  "Love is the One who masters all things; I am mastered totally by Love." (Rumi) |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms b...WELCOME TO PIP!! I enjoyed the poem, felt it was deep and entered your soul...I would like to see some breaks (paragraph type) to bite size the different images so one can enjoy and savor them before moving on to the next one...I did an example to show you what I mean. Just a floating soul Lonely and cold Running aimlessly for miles Empty inside while facing trials Faces around me in this darkened place Are painted with sorrow, loneliness, and pain Missing the sunshine that I used to know so well It’s now a flood of pouring rain At the same time an awful drought Hope and happiness I’m now without I sit here with my mind and thoughts The ground is dry and rough Like sandpaper, only worse Black tears fall from hazel eyes regards...Daark |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I agree with the others and welcome you and love the line "I’m just a floating soul" M |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Dear Brianna, Welcome to Passions. I agree with the suggestions above, and we will all look forward to the growth of you and your poetry in the months and years to come. Please, check your email for a very Special Greeting! P.S. - Floating souls are not encumbered to human form...so enjoy the photo! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
  WELCOME TO PIP  ARCTIC WIND |
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hiddenIntheDark Junior Member
since 2008-08-27
Posts 20 |
Thank you all so much for welcoming me! It means a lot, and thanks for the advice, I will be sure to use it!! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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hiddenIntheDark Junior Member
since 2008-08-27
Posts 20 |
thanks james! |
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