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Open Poetry #43
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Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2008-07-11 03:10 PM


*I've translated this poem from Russian. The original is by Anna Akhmatova, written in 1915. I've published a collection of her poetry that I've translated into English and it can be found here, for those who are interested:
http://www.amazon.com/Final-Meeting-Selected-Poetry-Akhmatova/dp/1438234732/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215803357&sr=1-5


***

The evening sky is gold and vast.
I’m soothed by April’s cool caress.
You’re late. Too many years have passed, -
I’m glad to see you, nonetheless.

Come closer, sit here by my side,
Be gentle with me, treat me kind:
This old blue notebook – look inside –
I wrote these poems as a child.

Forgive me that I felt forsaken,
That grief and angst was all I knew.
Forgive me that I kept mistaking
Too many other men for you.

http://home.comcast.net/~kneller/aboutme.html

© Copyright 2008 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
Grinch
Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929
Whoville
1 posted 2008-07-11 05:46 PM



Is Anna’s poem as good as this?

I read a translation by Ilya Shambat that made me wonder.

BTW

I was going to say that I can’t understand why this hasn’t garnered a bucketful of replies - unfortunately I think I understand it completely. Whenever people see the word “translation” they believe the translator has simply done just that - taken the original poem word for word and then, like some automaton, translated it into English.

I’ve a sneaky suspicion it’s a lot harder than that - hence my reply.

This may sound silly, but for us lesser mortals, can you explain how do you do it exactly? Do you take the essence of the meaning and interpret it - fitting it to a recognisable western form? Does the original rhyme? How close a translation is it?


Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2008-07-11 05:54 PM


quote:
Forgive me that I kept mistaking
Too many other men for you.



I think even Anna Akhmatova applauds from the world of beyond. You have done a wonderful job. No, it is not easy at all to translate a poem.

I began studying Russian because I wanted to read my favorite authors and poets in the original language, but that was a long time ago and life had other plans for me  

Thank you so much!

Love,
Margherita

ps next time I will order books from amazon I will include your book too.

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
3 posted 2008-07-11 06:19 PM


Thank you for your replies.

The reason I started translating Russian poetry way back when was because I read some of those so-called translations that simply went word-for-word and retold the original meaning, completely ignoring alliteration, rhyme, etc.

When it comes to Russian, the language is very melodic and musical. Poets like Akhmatova, Tsvetaeva, Mayakovsky, Pasternak all use this to enhance their work. This poem is no exception. To completely ignore this fact in translation is inexcusable.  

I've read some of Ilya's translations. And while he makes an attempt at keeping the rhyme in some of the poems, it seems to me that he often sacrifices quality for quantity. I have a very serious approach to translations. To me, it's no different than restoring a work of art from the 17th century - you wouldn't want to touch it up with crayons, would you?

I'm glad you liked my work. I'm happy to make some of these Russian poets accessible to people who don't speak Russian. By the way, I have a ton more translations on my website. Link is in my signature. Enjoy!

http://home.comcast.net/~kneller/aboutme.html

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
4 posted 2008-11-14 12:13 PM


I believe this merits another 'visit' near the top of the "P.I.P.-land" queue?!


Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
5 posted 2008-11-14 02:34 PM


I enjoyed this poem very much, Thank you for translating it.
                             Ida

amusemi
Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262
A State of Disarray
6 posted 2008-11-15 03:53 PM


Bump.
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
7 posted 2008-11-16 01:23 AM


.

This is very good
But I also suspect
the original
was one of her earlier
poems before or about before 1918;
it that correct?  Personally after
Anna increasingly disappoints

Again very good
In fact with your permission
I would like to add it to my
files with you noted as the translator.

John


.

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
8 posted 2008-11-16 09:28 AM


You're quite right John. 1915. And I also prefer her earlier writing. Though we shouldn't forget what she was going through at the time. Check out my site (in my signature) for more of her work.

http://home.comcast.net/~kneller/aboutme.html

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