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gdcod2player
Member

since 2008-07-26

Posts 117

0 posted 2008-07-27 12:25 PM

(last one i just posted with out reading over sorry it was late)
I’d like to tell you my name
But I’d never bring my self to it
Yesterday I wanted to call your name
But I never got to it
Your pretty eyes
Made me a fool for you
Everything I do seems to make you turn away
Maybe it’s not the person you see
I don’t smoke or drink
So I don’t know how you don’t see me
I guess I never thought of the person I am
Am I mean?
Or is it just I’m the boring one of us all?
You make me wake before dawn
So I can get ready to go
To the work place to see your beautiful heart
Don’t worry I won’t hurt it
I know it’s unique
And hard to repair
There’s nothing like it in the world
But maybe you want to make sure
And keep it with you safe from the cold
You see everyday

I saw you look at me
I thought I should keep my eyes from closing
Before you looked the other way
Now I’ve been waiting for some time
To ask you for your name
I finally gave up waiting
So I asked you right away
You said
“Who are you, why do you ask me?”
I didn’t think of anything to say
So I wrote you something
I hope you think it’s worth your time to read
I looked in your face to see if I could see
The girl that everyman wants
Everybody has a reason
This is something we need to remember
It’s the day we will live for the lasting sun
The longest day of the year
Makes me wonder
What’s the feel of your games?
I want to play
We have the whole day to think of something new
Before someone new comes our way

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2008-07-27 05:47 PM

Yes, you improved it, it is lovely and what you added fits well.

Love,
Margherita

ps btw you could have used the modify/edit icon (above the text of your poem ... a bloc note with pen) on your first post, instead of sending the poem again. But don't worry, next time you will know.

amusemi
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1262
A State of Disarray

2 posted 2008-07-27 06:05 PM

What a gentle, caring soul you have. I like how you look deeply into people. Makes the reader question if she is scared, or has secrets, low self-esteem, or is just shy. Enjoyed.

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