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Open Poetry #43
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If I Was Nice
| Open Poetry #43 |
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If I Was Nice |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
If I Was Nice - by The Vestibular Bard {recite with tongue firmly in cheek} If I was nice, then I would be, Less sarcastic, and more happy. I would smile, and be like Jesus, And other Christians wouldn’t tease us. If I was nice, I wouldn’t ream, A kind and thoughtful, clear moonbeam. I’d live in Georgia, near the shore, I wouldn’t be a poet bore. If I was nice, I’d go to church, And everywhere, for Truth I’d search. I’d bow my head, and get in line And drink the blood, that’s really wine. If I was nice, I’d be god’s gift, With other folks, I’d be less miffed. I’d drive a Prius, not a Bimmer, Less a cynic, and more a dreamer. If I was nice, then when I died, I’d be in heaven, instead of fried, I’d be immortal, without care, With my self righteous underwear. But I’m not nice, I know it’s true… It seems there’s nothing I can do. So please forgive these things I say, It seems your gods, made me this way. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Vestibular Bard - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I think you're nice  and quick...and smart....and funny I enjoy reading you! |
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
Love this in so many ways... |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
I wrote this in about 5 minutes in my head laying in bed this morning...there are endless verses I had originally, and can't remember... So...please...feel free to insert your own verses as replies here...Choose any theme your muse desires: If I was nice, I’d use my blinker, I’d take the blame, if I made ‘stinker’, I do the wash, and floss my teeth I’d clean the bowl, and underneath. If I was nice, I wouldn’t be Enraged with heated jealousy, When I see some buxom tart, Flirting with my husband Bart. If I was nice, I wouldn’t care If I had Calvin’s underwear It would matter not, what I wore, I'd be humble... and a bore. If I were nice, when doorbell rang, Jehovah’s callers, I’d not harangue... I’d take 'Watchtower', with a grin, And place it in recycle bin. If I was nice, I wouldn’t smell, My body odor, no one could tell, I’d wear cologne and shave my ears, And I’d say nice things, bout Brit’ney Spears |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
If I was nice, I’d often fast, That piece of cake, I’d walk right past My jeans would fit me like a glove, No rolls of fat perched high above. If I was nice I wouldn’t curse, I wouldn’t write sardonic verse, I’d work for Hallmark Greeting card Write pleasant verses thick with lard If I was nice, who would I be? Someone who's not really me... So I’m not nice, but I sure am, What I would call; "just a human." |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I hope you don't mind, but I find you inspiring. I happen to think we'd make a great wrastlin' team!  |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Vestibular, “Good” is not always nice, and “nice” is not always good. Don’t worry about it. Bobby |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
quote: Thanks Bobby...did I looked worried? |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
If I were nice I think I’d rather Chew on soap than raise a lather, I wouldn’t cuss and argue back When deep in philosophical attack. If I were nice I think I might Hold back the bile when I was right, Politely offering a draw To guilty fools I didn’t know. If I were nice I think my brother, Sister, uncle and my mother Would see the change as perfect bliss But wonder where the old Grinch is. |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
If I was nice, I’d always meter, Perfectly, in verses sweeter. I’d be less picky, more sublime, ‘Draw’ and ‘know’, I’d try to rhyme. I’d chew on soap, and cleanse my mouth, When it got cold, then I’d fly south… Instead of Santa, in a pinch, I’d bake some cookies for the Grinch.  |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
If I were nice, now there’s a thought, But do you really think I ought To change my ways in my old age And throttle back my ire and rage? Do you believe it right or proper To gag my gob with cookie stopper? Deny the real Grinch in me And act as sweet as sweet can be. I fear that I would fail that litmus I’m never nice - even at Christmas. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
good read |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
If I Was Nice - Grinch Refrain If I was nice, I’d try my best To soothe the Grinch’s savage breast. I’d play his favorites, sweet and low; "The best of Barry Manilow" And if that failed to soothe the beast, I stuff his gob with cookie yeast. I’d tie him to my Christmas train, Watch him go round my tree in vain If I was nice, I’d know that ‘litmus’ Got no rhyme…God as my witness! |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
If I were nice, I think I'd surely change that I would never change, at least I think (and that, is subject to change) Good write for thinking...and that is always a good thing |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
If Steve was nice, he sure would change, That smelly sweater, filled with mange. He’d take a bath, and comb his hair, And put on some clean underwear. He be all fresh, and start to think; ‘Boy these other poets stink!” |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
If I was nice! What grammar’s this? Your grasp of English is amiss If I were mean - I’d put you straight But I’m not here to moderate The misuse of good diction In your locomotive fiction. [This message has been edited by Grinch (12-18-2008 05:45 PM).] |
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YoungatHeart2 Member
since 2008-12-12
Posts 81 |
If I was nice.....just like fingernails down a chalkboard for this teacher. |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
quote: If I was nice, I would tinker, With my rhymes, that really stinker I’d has diction, and I’d speak swell, Perhaps it keep me out of hell? If I was nice, the Grinch would know, Ron would like me, I would glow, I’d meter perfect, in no time, And ‘draw’ and ‘know’, I still could rhyme. If I was nice, like pleasant folk, I wouldn’t mock or make a joke, About some silly sacred cow, I guess I ticked off some folks now… If I was nice, I’d call a truce, With this pawn of Dr. Suess, But I’m not nice, it could be worse, ‘Cause here’s the end, of my bad verse. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
The end? LOL Say it isn't so!!! ROFLMAO... Poem and responses... and responses to the responses... PRICELESS!! *S* |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
HAHA!! Swee-eet! Lol..I'm so glad I took time to listen to this awful, cruel, and hilarious humor! =]] |
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GothicCherry Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471TN |
Well, i guess i didn't really Listen to it. Lol. I just caught that. |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
It's just come to my recent attention... That the proper grammar that should be used here is: "If I were nice..." Imagine my shock and horror finding this out…now….after I have written this line, in countless stanzas, in countless posts, in this thread and others. I’m further embarrassed by the fact that after rereading this thread, I think Grinch may have been poking fun of my grammar, in one of his poetic replies, but his subtly was such that it was completely lost on me... ...as was his bizarre mention of ‘locomotive fiction’. I can only assume the Grinch suffers from Glaucoma, and requires constant cannabis medication just to read these threads... Now then, if I was nice, I would go back and change all my mistakes. But, I’m guessing, I would just keep on making them. I'm a creature of bad habit. If only there was some way for MS Word to check my grammar. Dang it! Alas, I’m pretty sure I’m just babbling nonsense at this point... So...back to the fun... If I was nice I would say 'were', And not tick off some young teacher. My poems would be so bright and merry, They’d read themselves to Gothic Cherry If I was nice, I’d find the Grinch Grab his cheeks, give them a pinch I tell him how I miss his verse, The way it goes from bad to worse... If I was nice, and not a ‘Dick’ I’d be a Rich or maybe Rick… I’d drink my milk and eat my peas, And wipe my snot, when I go sneeze But I’m not nice, and never were, Don't get all hot about grammer, I just like rhyming, funny rhymes, Its just a way to pass the times. [This message has been edited by Vestibular Bard (12-18-2008 10:02 PM).] |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
loved the back and forth jibes. Enjoyed. need more of this. "late" [This message has been edited by latearrival (12-20-2008 11:58 PM).] |
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YoungatHeart2 Member
since 2008-12-12
Posts 81 |
If I WEREN'T so old, I would be a young teacher. lol |
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