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A Message from Santa
| Open Poetry #43 |
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A Message from Santa |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion 
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I regret to inform you, effective immediately, I'll not be seen in the South this Christmas Eve. Since the birth rate in the South goes unabated My contract to deliver was renegotiated. Since I'll now serve only the children in the North I feel my time will be better spent henceforth. As part of my new and better contract, I get longer breaks for enjoying free snacks. Your children will still be served with good cheer By my third cousin, Bubba Claus (Sir Balladeer). His side of the family is from the South Pole. Delivering toys to children is also his goal. But... there are a few differences between us. The Grinch won't be stealing from Bubba's 4X4 sleigh, He has a gun rack in the back and bumper stickers that say, "With this Bubba Claus you shouldn't be messin' "Cuz these toys are insured by Smith and Wesson." Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus wants RC, Pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace are sweet. And Bubba ‘Deer doesn't smoke a pipe, understand? He likes chewing snuff; please provide a spit can. Bubba's sleigh is pulled by coon dogs with flop ears, I once made the mistake of loaning him reindeer. I'm training replacements for my own toy sleigh Because Blitzen is mounted over Bubba's fireplace. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" When Bubba Claus comes to your house, be sure to listen. "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty." The traditional "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you are likely to hear "Merry Christmas to y'all!" And, as required by the Southern highway safety laws, Yosemite Sam mud flaps on the sleigh say "Back Off." The sleigh has six running lights for all kinds of weather A Ford logo with lights that race through the letters, And a caricature of me which I find quite despairing, Peeing with a grin on our cousin, ToeRag Fairy. The Christmas movie classic "It's a Wonderful Life" Will not be shown in the South's viewing area that night. Instead, "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and then, more, "Smokey and the Bandit", Parts 1 through 4. Bubba Claus hasn't a belt on his red suit made from jeans, Turn your wife and kids away when he bends under the tree. And his favorite elf, Lucie, will be shotgun rider, As she swills down gallons of their moonshine cider. No songs like "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." AM stations play others way down in the South. "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox," and a similar song, "Grandma Got Run'd Over By an Antlered Coon Dog" Merry Christmas y'all, and to all good cheer, You'll be in good hands with old Balladeer. Just look for him soon in your stretch of woods, Balladeer Bubba Claus will treat'cha good. Ohhh, Bubba Claus ‘De-e-e-e-e-e-r, I'm waiting for my presents! heh |
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| © Copyright 2008 Michael Waterman - All Rights Reserved | |||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Bubba Claus needs a snack? You must know that I am Leaving a special treat... His own can of Spam! You know that I've been good (Or I've TRIED to be) So please leave sweet Toerag Under my tree (it's okay if he's passed out) Long John, Deer and Toerag Scalawags all Ya know that I love you So Merry Christmas, y'all! |
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OldPalOldBuddy New Member
since 2008-12-13
Posts 7 |
You sure keep us entertained. Well done, LngJhn |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
If we had unions down here he wouldn't be doing that...we'd get a bailout from congress and be in better shape. Does Santa pay union dues?..... |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Okay, you had me laughing. I am glad that you are back here posting. A |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
so that might be why last year's cookies are still on the mantle...when we of the North move down to the South, Welcome Wagon should include this info in the moving brochure...or something...thanks for sharing |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Very entertaining. Ida |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo LngJhnAg, This sounds real good for us Yankees. Now this is the kind of news I like to hear. No disappointments now. Bobby |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Bubba Clause is on the scene and will make sure all good little boys and bad little girls get a visit on Christmas eve. Note to ladies: I can only handle so many "mountain do me",s so be kind to ole Santa, ok? Very clever in this one, Mike. You incorporated some great ideas and your wit is as sharp as ever...Merry Chgristmas, pal  |
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sewasham Senior Member
since 2006-09-11
Posts 714Oklahoma, USA |
Great write Long John, got a good laugh. Good to see you posting again. Don't know if Toe feels the same though. Take care and Have fun. Steve |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Can I meet you both on the Mason-Dixon line? I miss both of you! Merry Christmas Deer Scalawags.. |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
I can come up with a few "Mason Dixon" lines but they're not really legal...good for your sinus though?.. |
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YoungatHeart2 Member
since 2008-12-12
Posts 81 |
HA HA HA HA |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
LngJhnAg - great write, enjoyed reading this... BC |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
Hey! How come I gotta be an elf??? I'm bigger then an elf! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
"Sharp as ever..." ? Sharper than we've seen in a long, long time.... Merry Christmas, LJA! K |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
It's good to see you back, and posting again. |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Merry Christmas! ARCTIC WIND |
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Anna Lyzing Junior Member
since 2008-12-24
Posts 11Sugar plums dance, Dreamland |
rotflol. Wow toooo good. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
btw, in keeping with our southern Christmas tradition, the carols have changed a bit... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuncdzVat5g http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suqWNk1vi0o&feature=related |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I suppose the children won't care what Claus it is as long as the presents keep coming...James |
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