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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #43 |
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estate sale (Huan Yi Challenge) |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
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estate sale her possessions meant nothing so they were sold on a cold winter saturday afternoon as her children watched with relief |
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| © Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
I can almost feel the coldness touch me through the monitor. This is so extremely melancholic, dear Alison. I am not attached to things, but not to the point of feeling relief, when I saw my Mom's possessions disappearing here and there ... Sad, but so real, I know. Challenge very well met! Love, Margherita |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
succinctly powerful! applause!! |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
and she left with her most cherished treasures tucked neatly within her memories |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo dear Alison, This sounds about right. Love Bobby |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Apparently her children weren't her most prized possessions either.. or... she had been a very bad person. either way...the chill slaps you in the face. Very well done. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Dear Alison, there was no love in this my friend, hope this was not one of your family. I still feel cold from the words. Rick |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Hi Alison , this is very tough, it is painful and I don't know why kids look with relief. have a nice day yann |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
her possessions meant nothing so they were sold on a cold winter saturday afternoon as her children watched with relief Really Alison this is very good. The minimalistic approach in all aspects of the poem works extremely well complimenting the tone and subject. You have just enough detail in there to make it real, yet not so much that it slows or impairs the impact. And the close of course is what lifts the poem from mere good writing to the extraordinary. I love the ambiguity, the openendedness, the opportunity it affords for your readers to make it their own. Very well done with this. You are finding a voice, you are "thinking" about message and the way you convey it, you are generating originality. If you go back to expending your creative energy in trying to produce end rhymes I'll be on the next plane to Alaska to hunt you down, from a helicopter  .Good work, thanks. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
you speak volumes in stoic passionlessness...yet you have captured this so well...anyone who has collected AND has children will relate to this...where DOES the value lie? |
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Vestibular Bard Member
since 2008-12-11
Posts 284New York |
Concise and very powerful with a bit of mystery...well done |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Nice work, Alison. A lot is being said between the lines, leaving room to the reader to make it his own. Evocative and inspiring; will now post the fruit of the seed you have implemented in this reader's mind. Have a wonderful day! Mark |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
a definite chill and a thud and a winter scene fitting of family that doesn't necessarily deck their walls with holiday rhymes. |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
hey were sold on a cold winter saturday afternoon You have worded it intensely |
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