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Open Poetry #43
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FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477


0 posted 2008-12-02 11:06 AM


She was blushed,
was the sort after.
Then she yellowed.
Of late she wrinkled and worm burrowed.

Pulled against wish onto soft landings.
Outcasted,
among the pretty lot.

She met with eventual rot.
Seeped inner with Mother Earth.
Buried in Mother's arms,
consoled.

She never outlived a season.
At last,
borne again,
another generation.

With her,
within,.
all blushed up among young green fellows.

[This message has been edited by FNG (12-02-2008 11:55 PM).]

© Copyright 2008 Danielle Tan - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
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Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2008-12-02 03:08 PM


This may be one of those times when a few more words would round it out, make it more readable. But I think I got the 'fruit' of it.
FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477

2 posted 2008-12-02 11:35 PM


hi nitesun,thanks for your comments....its a long time since i have poetess/poets giving me some hints to improve. appreciate it. I have added a few more to make it more complete...hope its better understood

cheers

FNG
Member
since 2006-02-07
Posts 477

3 posted 2008-12-03 11:04 AM


maybe some assume im writing with insult...
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