Billy knows

but knowing
does not bring
an end to his imaginings.

Billy knows
that his wife
does not feel well.

Billy knows that
she has not felt good
for a very long time.

A very long time.

Billy knows
her family.

That they rarely
showed affection.

Billy knows
that he has been
conditioned by a
"touch-feely" upbringing.

Even before
she fell ill,
passionate interactions
were few and far between

Billy looks
at his wife
and knows
that it has been
a very long time.

A very long time.

Billy knows that
he must constantly
remind himself that he knows.

Billy's imaginings tell him
that he is inadequate.
They tell him
that if he was
"good enough"
his wife would want him.

If he was
"good enough"
She would not be able
to control herself.

and now...
Even though Billy knows...

at night, in restless dreams...

he watches his wife being led
into the bedroom by his father...

Billy wakes...

Billy knows...

or imagines...

that he could
NEVER
compete with his father.

***