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Open Poetry #43

Shots Across The Brow

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2008-11-06 06:45 PM

Shots Across The Brow

Forget formalities and consequences of vice
for just a moment
pretend this is right,
your eyes are in the distance while
your body is in my grasp
i wonder
where you are but am afraid to ask.
Let's pretend this one time that
cheats
are laudable agents
and that all the other girls this evening
will remain patient.
Are we practicing choreography as much
as we hope
or are these the awkward stammers of kids
that should elope?
Let's keep this all quiet even though I want to
scream,
maybe a gasp will let you know what I mean.
This all feels so eerily familiar inside my head
although last night it wasn't you in my bed.

sarah 45
Member

since 2008-12-19

Posts 54

1 posted 2008-12-27 10:43 AM

1st of all I wanna say that I like UR work in general coz i've read some of ur previous poems, and I like this 1 too.
Although, just 4 the record I'm really not the biggest fan u'll find of cheating....
but I like ur style of writing.....

Anniepimm
Senior Member

since 2008-12-26

Posts 550
England

2 posted 2008-12-27 12:47 PM

This had quite a strength of emotion
The words ring true and I think we all lose our way at sometime

Annie

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

3 posted 2008-12-27 12:52 PM

interesting and moving poem, quite nice.

yann

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

4 posted 2008-12-27 12:57 PM

I can see why you had to consider the situation this way. Put down in words very well

Eric

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