"She Sang" - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #43

"She Sang"

SILENCEisTHEquestion
Junior Member

since 2008-10-12

Posts 10

0 posted 2008-10-12 07:16 PM

I don't know if this is considered poetry or not. If it is, it's my first poem, if not I shall write one in the near future. Be as critical as you like, I can take it. I intend on critiquing others soon but today is football day, sorry! Thank you!

"She Sang"

It was a great trick i played,
not knowing how horrid her voice
I asked her to sing a tune
she looked beautiful enough,
easily mistakable for a song Bird

Her confidence a bundle in her bust,
of course she would blow,
she was a masterful seductress
all I had to do was ask
I cant remember the tune;
something giddy and cheap

She ended with a proud apology
she said she hadn't sang in years;
for that she was a kind bird,
I told her it was beautiful
her cheeks were flushed

I needlessly asked her to sing again
she was already flattered
myself; already amused,
of course she declined,
she was a professional

She sounded even worse in the morning
the shower acoustics should have helped
I left when I heard the water stop
I wanted her clean;
I couldn't leave a dirty Bird behind
but i didnt have the time to waste

I left; dirty as usual
dirty today
clean tomorrow,
for the song Birds shall sing again...

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2008-10-12 09:40 PM

Welcome to Passions.
Your poetic form is intriguing...though a sharp tone, like a knife's edge that seemed quite cold. A sharp honesty perhaps.

SILENCEisTHEquestion
Junior Member

since 2008-10-12

Posts 10

2 posted 2008-10-12 11:29 PM

Thank you for responding! I know little about the poetic form. I just jumped in and tried to figure it out for myself based on, (you're right) personal experience. The fact that you even mentioned a form reaffirms my notion that poetry (as all art) is rooted less in form and more in experience. Thanks again!

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