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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #43 |
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Lamentations |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Not exactly smoke but mist a fog that is directed death creeping forms of Disney-esque like watching clouds make images decidedly Rorschach... from underneath the doors and cracks in my psyche's railroad tracks in between two hills I gasped smelling corrupt chemicals I looked behind me to my past and sobbed to know the consequence of all that could not be retrieved lost forever like a stone tossed into a pond creating ripples turned to tide on a wild tsunami ride as I looked toward the west where the next hill was the test as the sun was setting fast leaving me directionless blind to everything but track no comfort in the "now" of this. I protested to the guard wearing his Gestapo garb-- "I'm not Jewish" as he smiled at the star upon my chest before he slammed the door. |
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| © Copyright 2008 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
"I'm not Jewish" as he smiled at the star upon my chest before he slammed the door" hard hitting Karen and very thought provoking |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I just want to thank you. I was worrying over this one, as I know I leave enough holes in my writings as to leave wide openings for offense. None intended, but I was waiting to pull this one myself if something in it caused anyone distress. Thank you very much for reading. And trust me the tone of this was fear.  |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Powerful and moving write, Karen. One of your best, imo. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
forgive me while I indulge in some grinnin' gleeeeeee... First Jimbeaux, then chopsticks, now you? YES Let's make this an OPEN, "open" forum! thanks Jenn--your opinion means much to me. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
The security you seek is within but perhaps taking a nap along the shore line of those hills. No worries I have to track mine down also. I very much enjoyed this as I do all of yours. You always bring the mind ablaze even to full boil sometimes. ( that is a good thing trust me ). |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Fear was the tangible in this for sure Karen.. Sometimes we just don't understand the future effect of what we do in the present...and sometimes it isn't even what we do but rather who we are... punishment for that seems so unfair sometimes.   "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Karen, I felt the fear (and again that wonderful wave of truth, courage and honesty that blossoms in probably every poem you write) in this . . . . but also quivering, tentative (and again brave - you HAVE to feel fear to be brave - so-called "bravery" without fear is reckless and irresponsible foolhardiness) steps into a new life of gasp-fresh, biting, spring air, and exciting mysteries that the mist will unveil, one by one, as the sun rises singing its glorious and terrifying freedom . . . I must be thick, but I didn't follow what you meant, beyond the literal, in the last 5 lines. However, whatever you meant, I cannot imagine any Jew being offended by it. Love, hugs and kudos - Owl |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
I'm just not qualified enough to tell you how good this really is...absolutely superb isn't fair enough |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thank you all very much for reading this one, and please know that my caution regarding possible insult or injury is that I know using a sensitive subject as a metaphor is precariously tricky. And I don't think I'll explain this one and further than that--it is what it ain't? *smile* Much love to you all. ciao for now! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
With this one, sweetheart, I read the responses, but am still unsure as to why you needed to write this, but only knowing that I'm proud of you that you did so. My family on all sides of me is predominantly German... but my family on all sides of me also has an unlimited insurge of other genetics... Thank God!   |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Karilea - German is good - it is only Hitler and his cronies who were bad.  - Owl |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Karen, enigmatic as your (as you described it, non-)explanation is, it is indeed an explanation - and I love the confusion and multiple possibilities it brings me! Not exactly smoke, but a mist.  - Owl |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
this one was easier to read than the one in the king james...might grow to enjoy your gospels |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Well thank you for reading, and I know the old argument about explaining poems and not explaining poems, but since I do tend to write chronicles, this one may some day be included in a personal project of mine that is a small compilation of my stuff--with the stories that inspired included. Right now, that is just something I'm doing for myself though--so no promises. (chuckling @ Mysteria) But I appreciate the thought, and the benefit of the doubt given to me regarding intent. Nod. This one's a doozy to explain.  My love to all. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
good read |
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