Under the Sea - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Open Poetry #43

Under the Sea

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2008-09-17 12:22 PM

Under the Sea

Consumed with constant echoes
My mind no longer exists

In constant play and rewind
I lose control with each breath
And renew at each exhale

When the light dims down at night
My ocean is a ballroom

In continuous motion
A dance that will never end

My dress becomes part of me
Serenaded with color
It extends delicately out

Is it wrong to be hungry?

Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-09-17 01:25 PM

Yo dear Juju,

This is very descriptive, and I like it.

No, it's not wrong to be hungry. It's just extremely uncomfortable, and it can be deadly.

Don't try it if you can help it.

Love Bobby

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

2 posted 2008-09-18 10:57 PM

Uh... I'm not going to lie. My head started to bob like I was underwater being pulled and pushed by the waves. Odd...

Great read. I think your poems are ready for critical analysis.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.