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Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2008-02-19 06:26 PM

Oh my dear beloved friends
Your support has no end

I love you with all a brotherly love
In status your way above

You cared when i was down
Your sad for me when i frown

I cherish my time with all you at last
My sorrow will live now in the past

My soul has been lifted, i can live once again
The sky of my soul will never rain

Your always with me, think or thin
Your always be cherished my dear old friends

__________________________________________________

Lol This picture made me laugh and it fits my poem perfectly! Lol.

~Zach~

~Zach~

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

1 posted 2008-02-19 06:42 PM

Very, very ggoooooooooooooood!!!!!

lovely.

LynnFromCT
Member

since 2008-02-18

Posts 53
CT, USA

2 posted 2008-02-19 10:12 PM

I can tell you are a new poet. WHen writing you need to either keep to a rhyming scheme or not. You kind of move all over the place. The beginning of the poem was very simplistic, kind of corny, but then the last 2 lines didn't rhyme with anything.

And I am not sure you that you were thinking along the same lines as in the beginning. and you had a typo.

My soul has been lifted, i can live once again
The sky of my soul will never rain

Your always with me, (s/b thick) think or thin
Your always be cherished my dear old friends

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

3 posted 2008-02-19 10:29 PM

Lynn i can see that clearly. i was just trying to write a poem off the top of my head considering that i haven't writen anything in quite sometime. im sorry that i didnt keep the scheme of the poem. im sort of new to this writing thing. (i bet you can tell) lol

~Zach~

effjayel
Senior Member

since 2007-09-30

Posts 1474
At the Crossroads of Infinity

4 posted 2008-02-20 08:37 AM

Zach

Lynn is for the most part correct in what She says. However, this is a thousand miles from where you were "At" a few short weeks ago. You are improving daily & coming on in leaps and bounds. Please do not be put off and keep up the hard work...

Take care brother.....

John

"Ignorance is the Enemy...."

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

5 posted 2008-02-20 08:46 PM

yea sorry John.
i've been busy and my creativity and poetic side of me had to go away for a while... i dont know when he'll be back though lol but im gunna keep thinking of new stuff and i'll try to write again.

Have a good Day bro!

Zach

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