I Dream (But I Know It's Not Real)

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scoff
Member

since 2008-07-04

Posts 71
Georgia

0 posted 2008-07-06 09:53 AM

The world sounds a hopeless cry,
an echo of sorrow. An unseeing eye
looks to the future, yet still I
dream of better times gone by,

and I live
in the throes of uncertainty,
and I walk
far too close to the line,
and I cling
to the thread of my sanity,
and I feel
the swift passage of time.

The night breathes a restless sigh,
a hint of winter. A darkened sky
broods over the world, but still I
dream of brighter days and smile,

and I drift
in the void of reality,
and I try
not to say what I feel,
and I lose
any chance of recovery,
and I dream,
but I know it's not real.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Max Ehrmann

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-07-06 10:07 AM

Yo Scoff,

This write is rather self-centered. You might think about writing about someone else.

I'd try to get away from the overuse of your first person singular pronoun "I".

Bobby

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

2 posted 2008-07-06 11:20 AM

This is excellent writing, full of feeling and emotion.
Why create a cover if it is all about you!! I'm a bit put off when someone says,
"it's just a poem" I think our poetry evolves through feelings of our own.
But that's just me, and I love this!!

Spuddette
Member

since 2008-07-03

Posts 112
England

3 posted 2008-07-06 11:51 AM

I like the rhythm - it feels like a song.

scoff
Member

since 2008-07-04

Posts 71
Georgia

4 posted 2008-07-06 12:50 PM

Thank you Serenade and Spuddette. Glad you both liked it. It's good to know that after 25 years it still appeals to some.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Max Ehrmann

graeshine2006
Member

since 2008-06-03

Posts 368
The Prairie Lands, USA

5 posted 2008-07-07 12:06 PM

I really liked it too.

i_am_patch!
Member

since 2008-06-24

Posts 108
manila, philippines

6 posted 2008-07-07 05:51 PM

and I drift
in the void of reality,
and I try
not to say what I feel,
and I lose
any chance of recovery,
and I dream,
but I know it's not real

i love this poem. esp this line.
it's catchy(in a very special kind), unique and the entire thought
moved me.

avm

"omnia vincit amor"
LOVE OVERCOMES EVERYTHING

scoff
Member

since 2008-07-04

Posts 71
Georgia

7 posted 2008-07-07 06:38 PM

Thanks, Patch.

Glad you like it, graeshine.

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

8 posted 2008-07-09 04:39 PM

Well, there's really only one thing missing here... where's your face? lol!

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·

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