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Open Poetry #42

failing to get up

Michael G
Senior Member

since 2000-06-25

Posts 579
Nashville

0 posted 2008-07-02 04:10 AM

hell is a small place on earth
that brings you to your knees
as your heart is torn asunder
while you wait to feel again.
its a cold dark space transpired
allowing you to dream
of your failings in the afterlife,
of how you came to be.
you burn slow with desire
as you walk amongst the damned
forgiving your future transgressions
while reliving the past again.
hell is that slow motion pain
that grips your heart and twists
while you find yourself alone
celebrating your hate.
and slow is the action
of the last moment you can see
the eyes upon which you set
your moment to be free.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2008-07-02 12:17 PM

quote:
hell is that slow motion pain
that grips your heart and twists

Yes, I agree. Impressive write! When awareness dawns of who we really are, we are out of hell.

Love,
Margherita

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

2 posted 2008-07-03 10:49 AM

Strong. Intense, even.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

3 posted 2008-07-03 11:13 AM

Michael G,

Some well placed strophe breaks, and caps wold keep this from all running together.

Bobby

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

4 posted 2008-07-03 12:58 PM

Powerful piece, Michael.
Ida

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

5 posted 2008-07-04 02:53 AM

I thought this was incredibly powerful poem.

A

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