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Open Poetry #42

Society

Michyla
Junior Member

since 2008-02-06

Posts 15
qld, australia.

0 posted 2008-02-09 10:02 PM

Society

Does it ever occur to you
That life is just a dream
And though you try so hard
It always has the same theme,

So much pain and destruction
Caused even by best friends
How could we be so cruel
It's just one of the trends,

Do you see the homeless
In all our dirty towns
They are all getting sick
Need to put on some pounds,

Though there are few people
Just some people who try
To make life so much better
Others seem to wonder why,

But nothing can be done for now
Is what the people say
'cause no-one cares enough
Karma will make them pay.

Bobby Jordan
Member

since 2007-08-13

Posts 491
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-02-09 11:12 PM

Michyla,

Try to remember that poetry doesn't have to rhyme. You have lost some meaning in this one in order to satisfy a rhyme. Think more about meaning, and rhythm.

Please leave your post up, don't take them down. You have a good message here.

Bobby

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

2 posted 2008-02-09 11:59 PM

You touched me with this one. There are so many who don't care or don't think that they can make a difference. I am seeing it right now in a project that I am involved in for work. It's sad.

Thank you.
A

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