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Ray Sharpe
Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 112
Tenerife

0 posted 2008-06-02 01:37 PM

Hi as you have all been so kind about my first two attempts I thought I would share this one with you....Its written as a song ...but I think it may work as apoem....It started out as a straight forward love song about the girl my first post was about ( be my friend) ...but it worked better as a kind of stalkers anthem!....not meant to be nasty so please dont be offended!

Those hips
That hair
Those clothes you wear
That meet me smile that fills the air

Those Lips that stare
Your savoire faire
They got me hooked
And I don’t care!

I See you in a magazine……….I see you on the TV screen
I see you and fantasise………I see you ‘n’ don’t rationalise

I see you hold another’s hand..I see you and don’t understand
I see you most every day…………..I want you in every way

I see you through strangers eyes.....In that see-through you tantalise
I see you don´t realise…That..me and you light up the skies

I see you from a foreign land ....I’d feel you with a lovers hand
I see you in a warm embrace……I see me in your lovers place

I see you in a midnight dream…I see no distance in-between
I’ll see you I don’t know when………I’ll see you Just once again

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2008-06-02 06:20 PM

Yes, I think this is a lovely song, dear Ray! When you see her everywhere it is most assuredly a sign that you have fallen in love with her.

Very nice rhythm!

Love,
Margherita

Ray Sharpe
Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 112
Tenerife

2 posted 2008-06-02 06:35 PM

thank you so much ...this is all new to me ...I have never written before ...this last 18 months since Mum died have been strangely inspiring ....and now you kind people are reading my humble work ....you have bought great cheer to me...thanks again .sincerely

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 1149
Bangalore,India

3 posted 2008-06-03 03:29 AM

Hi Ray, i am new here too.This would make a wonderful song indeed. Well written.

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

4 posted 2008-06-03 11:28 AM

Hi Ray, that's a lovely poem and song, I appreciated the mystery about the girl you described (no physical points, only seeings or feelings)

it's definitely love.
thanks
yann

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

5 posted 2008-06-07 12:01 PM

Ray,

I love what you bring to this poem. It's sweet and has longing and also it just reads well. Good job.

Alison

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

6 posted 2008-06-07 08:34 AM

Yo Ray,

This poem has a rather original format that works well for it. I like it.

Bobby

graeshine2006
Member

since 2008-06-03

Posts 368
The Prairie Lands, USA

7 posted 2008-06-07 09:52 AM

Ray - I really do enjoy your stuff.

Ray Sharpe
Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 112
Tenerife

8 posted 2008-06-07 01:54 PM

hey ..been busy ..just discovered some more replies ..well ....Thanks.....I enjoy reading everybodys work on here ...I am pleased that many of you take the time to comment ...especially as you are very kind!!

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