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Open Poetry #42

Adam's Advantage

Adonis Cross
Junior Member

since 2003-04-07

Posts 46
Miami, FL, USA

0 posted 2008-05-20 12:23 PM

It’s not because you lived in paradise,
and saw a planet perfect in its youth,
and walked around it, never thinking twice
about your being naked as the truth;
It’s not because you skipped your childhood years
(though mine were far from great, I’ll let it go),
heard Elohim the way no mortal hears
Him anymore, and had no earthly foe.
It comes from this: you got to be alone,
believing all you had was all you’d get
or need; there was no way you could have known
what awesome thing was not discovered yet.
You never thought to seek it, or to care —
you just woke up one day, and she was there.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

1 posted 2008-05-20 12:30 PM

how utterly stunning...beautiful write

jmjovies
Junior Member

since 2008-05-03

Posts 32
florida

2 posted 2008-05-20 12:34 PM

this is wonderful

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

3 posted 2008-05-20 12:51 PM

Excellent write, Adonis.
Ida

Adonis Cross
Junior Member

since 2003-04-07

Posts 46
Miami, FL, USA

4 posted 2008-05-20 12:54 PM

Thanks - this one is fresh out the oven this morning, so I'm still picking at it.

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

5 posted 2008-05-20 01:57 PM

Yo Adonis Cross,

This is fairly good. The end rhymes are good.

Bobby

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

6 posted 2008-05-21 05:35 PM

fresh thoughts on an old, if not timeless, subject...very well done

unboundpoetess
Member

since 2008-05-24

Posts 477

7 posted 2008-05-24 02:21 AM

I was wonderfully surprised with the last line. Amazing, Adonis. Curious tho~ how do you pronounce Elohim? I know there are a couple of different ways...

Nice to meet you,
~H

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