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Open Poetry #42

Rockin on me

rad802
Member

since 2008-04-19

Posts 279
KY U.S.A.

0 posted 2008-05-03 06:54 AM

I thought you a real treat
till you whipped out the canned heat
You're rockin on me you're walkin on me
You're such a winding cool
You're evertbody's foundout
You're mockin a scheme and talkin a fee
Such savage indecision
loosely coy - all about
Equipped with a screem you drop to your feet

walking through me madly
Oh how I long to just step aside

Don't you see your stare-blind
mirror in the arms of
something unclean part soul part machine
You're flirting with abuse
You're everybody's handout
You're flogging a dream you've dressed up obscene
Such savage competition
invading your best route
Eclipsed by routine you fade a degree

Staring through me saddly
Oh how I blindly rush to your side

Rick Delmonico

shyvl
Senior Member

since 2008-04-11

Posts 531
texas, usa

1 posted 2008-05-03 09:13 AM

nice rhythm. Seems like a good person to avoid. You had some really good flow in first strophe and maybe a mispelling for everyone. Enjoyed reading your style
sharyn

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

2 posted 2008-05-03 12:55 PM

I am so impressed by your song writing!!
It really is something else, and it's all good.

I'm a fan!!

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