»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #42
»
The Breeze
| Open Poetry #42 |
|
The Breeze |
|
|
Brian23 Member
since 2007-11-03
Posts 73Belfast, Ireland |
The calm indifference of the kindly biting breeze Eating through my skin to the heart which shall freeze Yet I have no right to get off my knees For other’s dreams and ambitions can be warm or cold I have learned this from lesson not advice told Another is something not to shape or mold I shall die a death, a lonely one for sure Rise again? Indeed once time has become the cure How long the death? I dread What of the hour when it shall appear? Makes my soul weep red Just realize I love you and its hurts so please show me one ounce back For its lack is the breeze which drags down to my knees |
||
| © Copyright 2008 Brian Rooney - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Nice poem, Enjoyed it a lot. |
||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
A powerful, well written plea, dear Brian! Rise, rise! Love, Margherita |
||
|
Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
very good. felt the emotion. |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
||
|
Ocean Vuong Junior Member
since 2008-03-29
Posts 37NYC |
Solid attempt, but careful with the rhyming. In mordern poetry rhyming works best with precision. Often with iambic pentameter and syllable counting. Otherwise it more than often binds the writer to use words that rhyme but constrains the piece of its expression. good luck, -ocean |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
