Open Poetry #42 |
Sorry MUM |
kudanesh Member
since 2007-12-01
Posts 135Peterborough,England |
Sorry MUM Sorry for the pain I cause and for all I took that was yours I love you more than the blue sky and the sun on sandy saws I aim this write To bring my sorrow to light For all the things that I did wrong and all those things I never did right I am so sorry and I know all you do is worry For my health and safety and when I was late for work you made me hurry When I was late It put you in a state that you didn't want to be and I want to wipe the slate Because of my actions and my seditions I know this cant happen under no circumstance or condition So I submit this to you An apology for all that I do and all that I have done I know you’re sorry for some things to What I did you did not disserve After all you did was serving So I am sorry for that I can’t believe I had the nerve But I also thank you for what you have done I'm sorry I was not a better sun but there one thing I would wish for no other mum sorry for all the pain I cause and for all that I took that was yours I love you more than the blue sky and the sun on sandy saws [This message has been edited by kudanesh (03-17-2008 11:49 AM).] |
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© Copyright 2008 Andrew Hull - All Rights Reserved | |||
Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Kudanesh, I would break this up a bit with punctuation, and avoid starting each line with a cap. Bobby |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
I agree with Bobby, I'd also suggest you use the spellcheck facility prior to posting. Also, should sandy saws be sandy shores? |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Kudanesh, Well that's better. You're well on your way. Watch the spelling of some words. You are a "son" not a "sun" in the line: "I'm sorry I was not a better sun" Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, you're a good guy. Keep that in mind. Bobby |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Andrew, nice to find you here today. This is a wonderful hearfelt write to your Mom, I am sure you are a good son and one who can say "sorry Mom" deserves all the love and appreciation of this world. I enjoyed your poem very much. You will solve the spelling problem, don't worry, ask someone close to you to go through the text together. Love, Margherita |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY ARCTIC WIND |
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