Eye, Critical [dusted off]

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Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2008-03-06 03:06 PM

Eye, Critical

I see
Eve’s eras have softened your face
from the brilliant future it once held;
still, and were I a man
I would embrace such love,
plumped by maturity and wisdom,
knowing the oldest copper teapot still sings.

Salient eye
resistant to blue's fading ring
flashing and splashing light
moon's circle a pearl to wear
against the desperate fading
of life      what need of repair?

And now, since time has passed,
is it proper to inquire of things personal;
share now might you, in
how you perceived yourself, then,
other than assured, forthright,
some burgeoning apple of everyone’s eye?

See the luscious breast so curved
a raindrop falls and stays allured by
sure felt wisdom finally past time’s grind
of wanting what it could not have

Or were you more like me,

some great-eyed blossom yet to be,
in your own chameleon eye’s measure ~
would you have changed something
about you, ever wondering, but
making do with what you thought was
God’s joke?

Would I change the river's course
from place it started sweet and pure
running faster hitting rocks and splash
to some far destiny, willingly unsure?

Was your eye so critical that you came late
to know comfort, only now to flip black over white
with yet more colorful days immortalized?

In black and white I held his hand
with trust the dream's nightmare
and despair would go and yet
the years were slow so slow

And from those very memories
of your earlier, more critical eye,
can you now       smile        at what once was
a beautiful someone who never
thought to think herself

and so,

Alive now, alight with color fine
within my mind I'm more perfect
than that fragile little girl
whose curls hid a lie.  And,

Had I jumped to grand of now
I’d not have learned by sticks and blows
a following of river’s flow
to the sea, and me, and know of

Salient eye
resistant to green’s fading ring
flashing and splashing light
of a better me

and if we had only known…
might we now smile at this day’s
victory, and still be here for
tomorrow’s mystery?

~*~

A Martie and Sunshine Duet
Originally posted 3-4-2007

xTr3m3sT
Member

since 2008-03-03

Posts 415

1 posted 2008-03-06 03:10 PM

OH WOW! This is amazing!

I hope as I age in years I will be able to write the way you do. As I am 14 I don't have a visual standpoint in life yet.

Please if you can, read one of my poems and tell me how it is. I would greatly appreciate somebody of your talent to criticize or comment on my poetic art.

LadyTom
Member

since 2008-02-29

Posts 353
LA, CA

2 posted 2008-03-06 03:20 PM

So very wonderful!!!! I like this.

effjayel
Senior Member

since 2007-09-30

Posts 1474
At the Crossroads of Infinity

3 posted 2008-03-06 03:33 PM

Surely the poetic equivalent of Lennon & Mc Cartney....Amazing work Ladies.....

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2008-03-07 12:10 PM

Sissie...how lovely we were, are! I'm so glad to see this again!

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

5 posted 2008-03-08 06:20 AM

Very nice writing.
Ida

poddarku
Senior Member

since 2008-01-15

Posts 589
india

6 posted 2008-03-08 12:10 PM

i could have written it is nice and i can say no more. but i actually re read the piece and shall reread again and bless my eyes that enable me to seee it .'Salient eye
resistant to blue's fading ring'-beautiful

clever talks delay friendship!

TinaTrivett
Senior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 569

7 posted 2008-03-08 01:35 PM

Love this

Lovely job, both of you.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

8 posted 2008-03-08 02:02 PM

Truly exceptional duet of you two sweet Ladies!
And I love the picture with the entwined hands so much too, true sisterhood.

Thank you for this.

Love and hugs.
Margherita