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Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

0 posted 2007-08-16 09:42 PM

A Mass of Bubbles

Frothing teeth chipped away
by chattering harshly
to other speakers
that don’t take in sound;
but rather yell out
specific jeers at the
vim and dash of those awful
cheering sections
composed of mindless
people who can’t stand
to hear anything but pleasures
and strokes of sweet talk.

Bowling for turpentine,
knocking down pins made of
coniferous trees
on floors of polished pine.
They gift wrap them
to rip and reopen their stomachs,
sew ‘em up again with
svelte strands of apology letters,
terrible surgeries
that only attempt to
mask their crimes.

They hold open their wallets
wanting pennies for
the price of dollars.
Waiting for dead things
to grow mold and decompose,
and die all over again
in the name of being
excessive.
I can’t stand it anymore,
mostly because I ran out
of legs a long time ago,
after I learned how to
walk away from things
nobody likes.

"Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done."

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2007-08-17 07:21 AM

like the piece... it spills smooth...

enjoyed the word useage and the images it created..
well done... indeed

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2007-08-17 09:38 AM

brilliant piece

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

3 posted 2007-08-17 11:56 AM

Wow, wow, wow. Once Grim, always Grim. WOnderful piece.

enjoyed the read.

Tomtoo.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

4 posted 2007-08-17 12:04 PM

I can't stand it either....

hello Ed, good to read you again, and what a powerful message...every single line was great, but this part....I believe was my favorite,

composed of mindless
people who can’t stand
to hear anything but pleasures
and strokes of sweet talk.

yes indeed, we don't want to come out of our protective plastic bubbles, we've created for ourselves and face the music....

Bravo!!!!

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

5 posted 2007-08-17 12:19 PM

Wow, thanks everybody, I'm glad you all liked it. I'm really making a conscious effort to be less cryptic in writing poetry and I think (hope) it's making a difference. And if you guys see anything wrong with it, please don't hesitate to tell me; I like advice.

Thanks again. - Ed

"Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done."

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

6 posted 2007-08-17 09:43 PM

MUCH to consider carefully here!...

but, I am exceedingly fond of:

“…those awful
cheering sections
composed of mindless
people who can’t stand
to hear anything but pleasures
and strokes of sweet talk(!)"

Applause!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2007-08-17 11:07 PM

"terrible surgeries
that only attempt to
mask their crimes."

I really like what you do, Ed. It's honest, it's from the gut, and without guile.

Bravo m'friend! yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

WindWalker
Senior Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 1218

8 posted 2007-08-21 10:51 AM

I agree, this is a brilliant piece!!!!!

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

9 posted 2007-08-21 11:10 AM

Ed

I like this. I like your cryptic too (just for the record) - but I really like the flow of this piece. Plus, the message hit home.

A

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

10 posted 2007-08-21 11:17 AM

Thanks everybody.

"Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done."

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

11 posted 2007-08-22 01:05 PM

This is the 3rd or 4th time I've opened a reply screen... each time, I was quoting a different part... finally realized I just need to step back and applaud the whole, no matter how fascinating the lines! *G* Fantastic work!!!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

12 posted 2007-08-22 02:11 PM

"terrible surgeries"

*shudder* ..but I personalize..

the lines LeeJ quoted were my favorite because of the ring of truth...

"mindless people"

LOL god I love it..

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

13 posted 2007-08-22 10:23 PM

your style is unique
and enjoyed the reading of it

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