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Open Poetry #41
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Worthy?
| Open Poetry #41 |
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Worthy? |
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Roysie Member
since 2007-08-05
Posts 102Canada |
I think that I shall never see a sight as worthy as a tree however tall it grows to be it's worthiness appeals to me but can the same be said of we? |
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| © Copyright 2007 Roysie - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
depends I suppose on the values being used to judge worthiness and whether your individual belief that there is an intrinsic worthingess in a tree or plant that is greater than that of a human. |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
I don't like it. It's very awkward and I can't seem to pin down a meaning. Perhaps if you added a comma or two, that would help to at least break it up so it doesn't sound like a great mess of words. I know a lot of people like to use no punctuation in poetry to make it artsy or whatever. But in your case, or in this poem's case, it needs it badly. I can see that the last line strains to mean something but ends up being a failed attempt in my opinion. The rhyming wasn't executed properly and that's why that last line reads so awkwardly. I would rework the entire piece and maybe leave out the hackneyed rhymes. Who knows, you might have something here. You may think that I'm saying all this in reply to your churlish and uncivil comment on my grocery list (as you like to call it), but you would be wrong. Unlike you, I am not a vengeful person. I only mean to give you my honest opinion of this poem; because that is what this site is meant for: critiquing poetry. Eddie  "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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Roysie Member
since 2007-08-05
Posts 102Canada |
Morning Ed. |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
Morning Rosie. |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
I must agree with Edward, I don’t like it either, Not so much for the lack of punctuation (The fact you added one piece suggests you should add more), But this reminds me of another poets work, Which was done better and differently. Why the line breaks? To hide the fact it is just a simple Cinquain? Seems to need to be expanded, lengthen And more thought and work done for completion. Gloom |
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Roysie Member
since 2007-08-05
Posts 102Canada |
This is not a poem guys. It's a questionnaire. |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
I’m sorry I got confused I thought this was a poetry site Not a question and answer forum. Perhaps you should post elsewhere? Gloom |
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