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exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

0 posted 2007-09-09 07:25 PM

I want to hear
the wing blowing against my red ears
a roar to burn inside of me
staying while I dream
to hear it while I linger
between my conscious and what is hidden
letting myself whisper into it
a vaccum of sound
where voices do not exist
my existence turned to mist
secrets spread over grasslands
layed to rest on dry ground
letting the distance be the barrier
between aching hearts
to be consumed
into the wind that brought it

________________

Not that great, but I had to come back to you guys with something, sorry for my absence.

zapple
New Member

since 2007-09-09

Posts 4
Englishman Living in the U.S

1 posted 2007-09-09 10:28 PM

Hi Exhale,

I like poems that you dont quite get the first time. A clever writer elevates ordinary words above their superficial meaning and brings fresh usage out of old `tools`. First few times I read this I couldnt quite get the gist of what the poems was about, but then its layers slowly became clear. Great piece of writing. Enjoyed the tactility of the imagery `red ears`, `burn inside of me` at the start, could almost feel that. Lingering in a limbo between consciousness and dreams (where secrets are hidden), capturing the moment just before our minds become unanchored and we drift into sleep, when our senses seemed heightened, is wonderful poetry.

"Forgiveness is the foundation of all happiness." Pithy Philosophical Observation number 723.(Or was it 724?)

[This message has been edited by zapple (09-10-2007 12:37 AM).]

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

2 posted 2007-09-10 11:19 AM

hey you.... no apologies needed, it is good to see you here and ummm not that great??

It is wonderful.... Much enjoyed your thoughts here. I love it when you share.

after a fall I get back up,
move on 'cause the past is the past and theres no tomorrow if remaining in still waters while the river flows on ~dsmith

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2007-09-11 09:43 AM

Not great?

I think everything you've written,
that I've read, has good balance,
and leaves one thinking!

Good work!

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

4 posted 2007-09-11 10:24 AM

I like it lots.

Welcome back.
A

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