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A Beautiful Disaster
Member

since 2007-01-13

Posts 409

0 posted 2007-07-04 02:27 PM

Forgiveness

Shards of glass in a fatal wound,
No more worries - I'm leaving soon.
You're the poison, and you're the knife,
You're the demon that saved my life,
Angel-devil, and not the less,
A heartbreaker, but still the best.
A denial, a myth, a wraith,
Well-known stranger who stole my faith.

I know you're afraid that all alone
You'll make your way through lands of endless rains.
In front of you is only the unknown
Behind your back is just this hollow pain...

Sleeping pills, bittersweet champagne -
I am watching my empty brain
Drowning quickly in alcohol...
But won't drown my longing soul.
In this strife I'm a knight, but scared,
And I'm feeling... oh well, enough!
Now I'll stop... no one f*****g cares.
You have never believed in...

In my devotion.

But I'm not afraid that all alone
I'll make my way through lands of endless rains.
In front of me is only the unknown
Behind my back is just this hollow pain...

But with arms broken I'll fight,
By my forgiveness
My broken heart is revived -
I'm alive!

And I'm not afraid that all alone
I'll make my way through lands of endless rains.
In front of me is only the unknown
Behind my back is just this hollow pain...

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

1 posted 2007-07-04 03:20 PM

some deeply powerful and emotive parts to
this 'write'!...in places, a most riveting 'read'!

Applause!!

FunnyBones
Junior Member

since 2007-07-04

Posts 13

2 posted 2007-07-04 05:12 PM

I like this.. it has defined source and direction..

Please don't be offended, but I'd like to offer a small critique.. just an opinion, no right or wrong involved.

line 5 I would have written:
'Angel-devil, But none the less'

line 10 I would have written :
'in endless lands you'd lose your way'.

I like line 19 :
Now I'll stop... no one f*****g cares.

Its very powerful, but only because you don't swear anywhere else in the prose

Please dont be angry at my comments, I hope you would offer similar suggestions toward any of my writings

A Beautiful Disaster
Member

since 2007-01-13

Posts 409

3 posted 2007-07-05 10:39 AM

Thanks a lot to everyone who took the time to read and comment!
But no, I won't change anything, as I like it this way.

dgvarner
Member Elite

since 2000-05-13

Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

4 posted 2007-07-05 01:55 PM

emotional read! written as you needed it to be written! great job

hugs, g

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

A Beautiful Disaster
Member

since 2007-01-13

Posts 409

5 posted 2007-07-07 12:03 PM

^ Thank you!

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